About Farts

When you should never fart:
1. Inside a crowded lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whilst on a date.
7. In a packed lecture theatre.
8. In your office.
9. At a cinema.
10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while.
11. In a ticket line.
13. On an airplane.
14. During confession.
15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky.
17. While fighting fire in a burning building.
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation.

When to fart:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.