WHY TEACHERS GO CRAZY

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George
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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago?
WILLY: Me!
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SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
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HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
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TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN: I hope you didn't either.
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GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you
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See the idea!

Teacher: Student

Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

Students: A teacher.

HAHA! Students cleverer than the teacher!!!

Horror movie

Do you want to watch this?!!!

I lost my phone number,

Is this a joke?

Physics saves lives!

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
Idiots don't go to medical school right!

Tips for Pizza Boy!

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.
After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Applied psychology, heh? HA!HA!HA!

How to get an 'A'

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."
You have to be smart, don't you!

A deadly joke!

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
What a joke!!!

Things Mom Taught Me...

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it when we get home."

And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!"
Funny, isn't it? She knows everything!

Beating IT Communication!

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The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
3. Tele-fax
2. Tele-phone
1. Tell-a-woman
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone!
Yes, this is very true, indeed!

About Farts

When you should never fart:
1. Inside a crowded lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whilst on a date.
7. In a packed lecture theatre.
8. In your office.
9. At a cinema.
10. In a walk-in freezer - it'll linger a while.
11. In a ticket line.
13. On an airplane.
14. During confession.
15. In the bed, whilst feeling frisky.
16. In bed when you're feeling frisky.
17. While fighting fire in a burning building.
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation.

When to fart:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.

GOTONG ROYONG DAY!

GOTONG ROYONG DAY!
Done the toilets with the students in charge. Nice experience cleaning the compound, planting trees and so on. Food is at 11.00 0'clock.

This one is simply terrific!

This one is simply terrific!
New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.
According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Want to read some mathematics jokes?

Want to read some mathematics jokes. Follow this!

MATH JOKES
Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...
Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A: A high school math problem!
Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!"
Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

This is about politicians!

This is about politicians!

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who make the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Toronto, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Montreal, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon, from Vancouver, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"

The fourth surgeon, from Calgary, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Ottawa, shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable

What do you say?

Jokes? Read this one!

Jokes? Read this one!

Child: Nanny look at the boat!

Nanny: Where?

Child: There!

Nanny: That's not a boat. That's a yacht.

Child: It's a boat.

Nanny: It's a yacht.

Child: Okay. Please spell yacht.

Nanny: Okay. It's a boat.